BFN........again.

Or BIG FAT NEGATIVE for those of you who have never used TTC (trying to conceive) forums. In other words I am not pregnant, again. Cycle day thirty-two and so it means I am now just waiting for my period to arrive. I don't understand how something that use to be so easy for me, getting pregnant and staying pregnant, has suddenly become so difficult that it is now three years and eight months since we began trying for a baby and yet we still don't have our take home, forever baby, we don't even have a sticky pregnancy.

It is tough emotionally, this trying to conceive business but not nearly as tough as not trying to conceive would be for me. I hear a lot that I am wrong for carrying on, that I am selfish, that I should have a break, that I must be pushing Matt into this but people that usually say these things have no clue, it is no good saying 'I would do this or I would do that' when truth be known you they don't have a clue. Nor do I ever want them to. So I do what is right for me, right for Matt, right for us. And I simply won't dignify people's assumptions or demands with an answer any more. Any how, I think I am going to go to my GP's and ask for blood tests to make sure I am ovulating and check all my levels, as well as asking to go back to the recurrent miscarriage clinic at Queen Charlotte's. I felt less of just a number there, and after all we have been through, I deserved to feel cared for.

What else can I tell you? We just had Riley Rae's first birthday on Sunday, the lead up was really difficult but the day was gentle. I surprised myself with how strong I am, ironic given the amount of times I have told people off for calling me strong. We have Honey's fifth birthday in just under a month and usually I would be dreading it, but I think I have got through two of my girls first birthday's without them to celebrate it, I am pretty sure I can get through anything now.
Naomi-Mae had to go to school dressed as a super hero today, as that is this term's topic. Pretty cool isn't it? Not sure we ever did superhero's, much more likely to be tudors in my day. Now I really do sound old. Haha. Worse still, I sound like my Mum. Uh oh. She looked incredibly cute, dressed in white leggings, a white top, pink knickers over the leggings, and a spotted cape. Both the top and knickers had SG on them, as she was super girl.
Morgan went to the Science Museum yesterday with the school, so just keeps talking about that and going on the launch pad. He loved it, as I said before he adores learning.
And Kaysie Blossom has just discovered she got into 'Strawberry School', she refuses to call her  school by it's real name. I am not quite sure why that surprises me, considering she cried because the email said that she was called Kaysie instead of the 'Rainbow' she is sure is her real name. So we are in for a fun twelve weeks, because in that time I need to persuade her to use her real name, the school real name and break it to her that no matter how much she demands the school are not going to change the colour of the school uniform to yellow just because it is her favourite.

Must go as my little diva, scrub that I mean 'Rainbow' is calling me.